I hate making mistakes. And like most people, I have made some “doozies” in my time. From little ones such as adding too much salt to a cookie recipe to bigger (more costly) ones such as forgetting a music lesson or missing an insurance payment, I just hate making mistakes. I hate letting people down. Mistakes humble me. Mistakes are a constant reminder of how imperfect I am.
I remember one time playing a rather famous flute solo at the wrong measure in a professional symphony orchestra. Yeah, that stunk. Can you imagine the horror of realizing your conductor is trying to flag you down to hopefully get you to fix your mistake mid-flow? Yikes! And another time in college when just minutes before entering the stage for a performance, I realized I had forgotten my orchestra music in my dorm room, which required me to run back (up hill) to said dorm in a pair of heels (ugh!) only to end up missing the first movement of that orchestra piece I had just gone to retrieve. Imagine the surprise of my director as I slunk back onto the stage in between movements. That was definitely not a highlight of my collegiate music career.
So, recently I made big mistake, bigger than burning a random tray of cookies: I arrived at the wrong time for a worship gig. Because I had not shown (and was leading worship for the close of the conference), the organizer decided to end the conference early. Ugh. I was walking in when everyone was packing up to leave. Soooo mortifying.
This mistake really messed with me and I just could not shake it. I felt so stupid. Our family was hosting some friends for dinner that evening, so I didn’t really have time to process how I felt with the Lord. I just drove home and started prepping for the dinner. After dinner was done and our friends had gone, I dove into some soul-numbing Netflix and went to bed. When I awoke the next morning, I still felt that gnawing humiliation and so I binged on more Netflix. Finally, I was tired of feeling like junk and decided it was time to speak with the Lord about it.
I lay on my bed and cried out for His help. “Why am I still feeling so bad, Abba? Why can’t I shake this? Ahhh! Help me!”
I heard Him speak this verse to my spirit, “My power is made perfect in your weakness.”
It was like light exploded in my spirit. God created us knowing we would screw up. Before Adam and Eve had ever sinned, from the foundation of the world (Rev. 13:8), the Lamb had already been slain. He planned for redemption before Eve ever took her first bite of the forbidden fruit. Jesus' atoning death on the cross wasn't the Father's last minute pinch hitting after a bad day in the garden. He knew Adam and Eve would sin and He already had a plan in place! Come on!
Although my mistake of arriving at the wrong time for a worship gig was not a sin, just a mistake, this scripture promises me that He still chooses to perfect His power in my weakness….from the big to the small. He knows I'm going to mess up and each time, His power is ready to be perfected. He pours His power into those moments and somehow, with His beautiful grace, makes all things new.
Hearing this truth washed my soul of its humiliation. And I lay there on my bed, no longer agonizing about my failure and people’s possible frustration with me, but resting in His love. Just like that. It evaporated. From humiliation to acceptance. From shame to love.
Now there are times when it takes me much longer to journey through the mess in my soul. For whatever reason, the process just takes a little longer. Whether the journey is short or long, His love is what pulls me through into wholeness. Truly, His grace is sufficient.
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