Confession

Confession 

I just learned tonight how confession is sacred.  

Last night, my family was playing cards.  We had come to a point in the game during which I announced that “Your daddy is an honest man.”  I must have been defending some play he had made.  Anyway, the moment I said those words, I felt the burning conviction of the Holy Spirit hit my spirit.  And in that moment, I realized that I had not been honest and was hiding a secret from my husband.  In short, without divulging too much, I had created a financial mess and was trying to privately clean it up.  Well, in that moment, the Holy Spirit gripped my heart and I knew that I could hide my sin no more.  Ugh.

So, I went to bed mulling over this conviction in my heart.  I knew I needed to confess, but I also knew my husband had had a challenging week - one of his business clients had been hit with cyber terrorism (which John was trying to figure out how to retrieve many terabytes of encrypted files without have to pay the ransom)….all while fighting through a terrible cold.  In my mind, this was not the best time to confess my sin.

I went to bed and awoke early in the morning from an extremely convicting dream that showed the impact of the lie upon my soul.  Wow.  It’s amazing how God can get our attention when He needs to.

So, there I was at 5AM, having awoken from a startling dream revealing the infection of my soul, still trying to figure out how and when to confess.  On top of it all, I knew I was leading worship in just a few hours and I did not want to bring my sin with me.  Bring my brokenness? Yes.  God’s power is perfected in my weakness.  But my unrepented sin?  No.  God is loving, forgiving, and holy.  I have always treated the worship pulpit with great respect and in no way did I want to knowingly bring my worship to the Lord while still clinging to an unrepented sin.

I lay in my bed, praying and confessing my sin to God and made a commitment before heaven that later that day I would confess what I had been hiding to my husband.  And I did.

The thing about confession, is that it makes us feel so exposed.  And it reveals another level of the fear of wo/man in our lives.  Did I really think my husband would love me any less?  No.  But I was trying to avoid him thinking less of me.

What was John's response when I finally went to him and confessed my sin?  Kindness.  Forgiveness.  Grace.  Advice.  And love.

And what was my response?  Relief.  Thankfulness.  Gratitude.  Love.  A feeling of oneness with my husband.  Resolve.  And a few tears.

And what was God’s response to my obedience in confessing my sin to my husband?  I felt His smile and pleasure.  And love.  Always love.

And now I see more than ever that conviction and confession are God’s way of exposing and healing the tares in our souls.  God never exposes to humiliate.  He only exposes to heal.

Confession tears down unholy walls of protection we’ve erected around our pet sins.  And confession becomes a gateway to repentance; a shift of focus from the power of our sin to our powerful Savior who changes our way of thinking.  Confession alone does not bring the change.  Repentance does that.  But confession is a sacred and necessary first step on the journey of restoration.

So there it is, folks.  Just processing the grace I received tonight: a God who loves me enough to remove anything in my life that hinders love.  Amazing grace, how sweet the sound...

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9