Back in 2006, I remember hearing Lindell Cooley (worship pastor during the Brownsville Revival back in the mid to late 90s) share a story about being asked to speak to a group of Jewish rabbis in Nashville, TN.  Nashville is the city in which Lindell now pastors a church.  The rabbis had heard that Lindell was a supporter of Israel and wanted to connect with him.  Lindell was surprised at this invitation and was inquiring of the Lord as to what he should speak on.  What does a Pentecostal like him speak about to a group of Hebrew Bible scholars?  What did he have to offer them?  And then this thought came to him - the presence of the Lord.  Of all the things he had learned to love and know intimately during the revival and beyond, it was the Lord’s manifest presence.  And so he shared about the presence the Lord.

I remember being a 31 year old worship leader and professional musician listening to that story.  I had already co-pastored a campus ministry group with my husband, won two positions in two different local symphonies, taught at various universities and colleges, etc.  Even at that “young” age, I thought I “knew” ministry and knew the world of professional music: been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt.

However, because of some of the challenging things my husband was walking through as one of the staff pastors at the church he was serving at, I was becoming keenly aware that there was much I had not known about ministry, as well as some things I wish I did not know about vocational ministry.  

But in that moment, listening to Lindell’s story, I realized that I could choose to dedicate my life to knowing God’s presence…..really knowing His presence.  This was more than just about ministry; it was a divine invitation to know Him deeply.

I knew, and sometimes bemoaned the fact that I would never be as cool or as talented as the worship leader down the road or the one whose songs were broadcast on the radio.  As someone who strived for excellence in her art, this bothered me.  However, I could dive into Him in such as way that His presence would saturate my song.  

When I choose to live a life saturated in Him, His essence, His power, His authority, His fragrance rests upon the activities of my day, from the grand to the mundane.  

This changed everything.

It didn’t mean that I didn’t still seek to grow as a singer/director/musician by attending conferences or taking private lessons.  I still did (and do) these things to improve the mechanics of how I am serving.  However, I understood that good singing or good playing or good leadership skills were not enough.  These good skills, devoid of His touch, could not help someone encounter the Holy Spirit.  Only if my being, my song, my leadership skills were saturated with Him.  He in me, flowing through me was the game changer.  Still is.  Christ in me the hope of glory.

Do I still compare myself to others?  Yep, but I do it a whole lot less than I used to.  Living a life rooted in His love smooths out the wrinkles of competition and comparison.  Did this revelation make ministry easier?  Yes and no.  John and I ended up entering one of the most challenging and painful seasons of ministry soon after.  However, my secret life in God (and the prayers of family and friends) were what sustained me and eventually allowed me to flourish even in the midst of great turmoil.

Christ in me, the hope of glory.  He is the game changer.  Is He yours?