Confession

Confession 

I just learned tonight how confession is sacred.  

Last night, my family was playing cards.  We had come to a point in the game during which I announced that “Your daddy is an honest man.”  I must have been defending some play he had made.  Anyway, the moment I said those words, I felt the burning conviction of the Holy Spirit hit my spirit.  And in that moment, I realized that I had not been honest and was hiding a secret from my husband.  In short, without divulging too much, I had created a financial mess and was trying to privately clean it up.  Well, in that moment, the Holy Spirit gripped my heart and I knew that I could hide my sin no more.  Ugh.

So, I went to bed mulling over this conviction in my heart.  I knew I needed to confess, but I also knew my husband had had a challenging week - one of his business clients had been hit with cyber terrorism (which John was trying to figure out how to retrieve many terabytes of encrypted files without have to pay the ransom)….all while fighting through a terrible cold.  In my mind, this was not the best time to confess my sin.

I went to bed and awoke early in the morning from an extremely convicting dream that showed the impact of the lie upon my soul.  Wow.  It’s amazing how God can get our attention when He needs to.

So, there I was at 5AM, having awoken from a startling dream revealing the infection of my soul, still trying to figure out how and when to confess.  On top of it all, I knew I was leading worship in just a few hours and I did not want to bring my sin with me.  Bring my brokenness? Yes.  God’s power is perfected in my weakness.  But my unrepented sin?  No.  God is loving, forgiving, and holy.  I have always treated the worship pulpit with great respect and in no way did I want to knowingly bring my worship to the Lord while still clinging to an unrepented sin.

I lay in my bed, praying and confessing my sin to God and made a commitment before heaven that later that day I would confess what I had been hiding to my husband.  And I did.

The thing about confession, is that it makes us feel so exposed.  And it reveals another level of the fear of wo/man in our lives.  Did I really think my husband would love me any less?  No.  But I was trying to avoid him thinking less of me.

What was John's response when I finally went to him and confessed my sin?  Kindness.  Forgiveness.  Grace.  Advice.  And love.

And what was my response?  Relief.  Thankfulness.  Gratitude.  Love.  A feeling of oneness with my husband.  Resolve.  And a few tears.

And what was God’s response to my obedience in confessing my sin to my husband?  I felt His smile and pleasure.  And love.  Always love.

And now I see more than ever that conviction and confession are God’s way of exposing and healing the tares in our souls.  God never exposes to humiliate.  He only exposes to heal.

Confession tears down unholy walls of protection we’ve erected around our pet sins.  And confession becomes a gateway to repentance; a shift of focus from the power of our sin to our powerful Savior who changes our way of thinking.  Confession alone does not bring the change.  Repentance does that.  But confession is a sacred and necessary first step on the journey of restoration.

So there it is, folks.  Just processing the grace I received tonight: a God who loves me enough to remove anything in my life that hinders love.  Amazing grace, how sweet the sound...

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9

From Unity to Oneness

Yesterday, I was at our annual Jesus Loves Kalamazoo Vision Team retreat.  (These peeps right here^^^.  )We were praying, worshiping, God-dreaming, and asking the Lord to show us how and where to move as a movement in 2019.  We had been talking about how over the last five years, our movement has worked hard to develop a depth to our unity, i.e. to not get stuck in celebrating broad, but shallow unity.   About five years ago, we felt the Lord was challenging us as a movement to deepen our unity by opening our lives to each other.  Not just colleagues in the Kingdom, but figuring out how to live as family with the same Father.

Now, that’s a paradigm shift, right?  The transition from pulpit sharing to double dating as couples.  From strategizing at meetings to vacationing together as families.  Relationships that were friendly, but perhaps shallow.  God had something deeper in store for us.

Jesus was inviting this movement to grow our roots deep into the soil of His love (Eph. 3:17).  We’re learning that we share the same root system:  different trees on the surface, but the same root system connecting all of our trees in His soil.

So, this understanding got me meditating again on the concept of Biblical unity.  Or, as Jesus puts it, “being one.”  Here’s the blog that resulted:

What’s the big deal with unity?

I don’t think unifying around a cause is all that hard to do.  We see it all the time as entertainers come together for a telethon or people send money and resources to areas that were hit hard by natural disasters.  In the book of Genesis, we see negative unity as the people of the earth came together to build a tower to the heavens in rebellion against God.  I think history proves that people can unite behind a cause, whether good or bad, at least temporarily.

In the body of Christ, God has been inspiring His body to come together in unity as well, with events such as OneRace at Stone Mountain, GA (to destroy racism), the Palau Association’s City Fest up in Grand Rapids, or our very own Jesus Loves Kalamazoo’s Catalyst Week.  All are Holy Spirit-inspired causes that bring people together to pray, worship, share the gospel, and love the people of their cities.  All of these things are beautiful, powerful, Biblical, and completely necessary.  

However, I believe God wants us to deepen our unity.  I would suggest that it’s possible to unite for a cause but not live in unity.

Psalm 133

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is

For brothers to dwell together in unity!

It is like the precious oil upon the head,

Coming down upon the beard,

Even Aaron’s beard,

Coming down upon the edge of his robes.

It is like the dew of Hermon

Coming down upon the mountains of Zion;

For there the Lord commanded the blessing—life forever.

In Psalm 133, the Psalmist describes “brethren dwelling together in unity” as akin to anointing oil flowing down the high priest’s robe.  This oil was a specially designed oil, with a recipe given from Yahweh Himself, to set apart Aaron and his sons for priestly service.  The Psalmist goes on to say that “God commands His blessing” when brethren dwell together in unity.  There is something catalytic about unity that captures the attention of our heavenly Father and compels Him to bless us, the level of blessing that causes an arid, desert mountain to experience a life-giving dew.  Profound images to shape our understanding of unity.  

According to my personal study of this passage, some scholars believe that the unity described in this Psalm occurred within the context of the Israelites traveling to Jerusalem to celebrate certain feasts.  Learning this context encouraged me as my friends and I began to gather believers for worship and prayer events back in 2011. 

Then in the New Testament, Jesus takes the concept of unity and redefines it into His own image: 

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”  John 17:20 - 23

Jesus uses His relationship with His Father to define the type of unity He desires to see among His disciples.  Wow!  Think about it.  We’re not just talking about uniting behind a cause, or even living together as a family.  He’s using the Godhead - three persons, one God, to describe the unity He desires to see.  This is completely supernatural.  There is no way humans can come together and create that kind of synergy on our own.  Aaaaaand, this is a unity that causes the world to know that the Father has sent the Son.  So, it’s a unity that serves as a catalyst for harvest.

In Hebrews 1:1 - 3a, the writer makes this beautiful statement, “In the past God spoke to our ancestors through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom also he made the universe.  The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word.”  So, when you see the Son, you are seeing the Father.  Although they are different persons, they are the same.  If Jesus did something, then the Father did that very thing through His Son.  Jesus Himself said, “If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father.”*

So how does this work on a practical level?  

Or is this a promise of what is to come?

When we receive the free gift of salvation,** we receive the promised Holy Spirit as a deposit guaranteeing we belong to Him.  It’s the seal of our redemption.  (2 Cor. 1:22) So, we know that every believer in Jesus shares the same Holy Spirit.  His Spirit marks us, sets us apart, declaring to the seen and unseen realm that we belong to Jesus.  Although on the surface we notice the color of each other’s skin, the shade of our hair, the height or width of our bodies, our gender differences, etc. in the unseen realm, it’s the Holy Spirit that is THE distinguishing mark of a believer.  It is impossible to conceal the fact that we’ve been born again to both demon and angel alike.  

So, it’s Christ in us that unifies us.  We share the same Father.  The same brother.  The same Spirit.

So, why would Jesus have to pray this prayer if His Spirit is all that was needed to cause us to be one?  

We know that Jesus never wasted words. He purposely prayed this prayer in front of His disciples so that they could hear and John could eventually record His words.  So, His language was intentional.

I think perhaps the key to oneness is the phrase “May they also be in us so that the World may believe that you have sent me.”  Is it possible to have the Holy Spirit dwelling in our spirits, but to not be in Jesus?  I would say yes and no.  Theologically, we are seated in heavenly places in Christ Jesus (Eph. 2:6).  Right now, we are seated in Him.  Yet, until we believe and walk in that truth, it’s possible to live a life way below the fullness of all that He has intended for us.  

Likewise, I think it is possible to be born again, but to not be walking fully in Jesus.  Having written all this, I feel like I just entered into some profound theological thought, and I’m not sure my “wader” boots are high enough for these waters.  But, I bring this up because I want us to begin to pray and meditate upon these words.  If Jesus prayed this prayer, surely this level of unity is possible, even before His return.

What does it mean to be in Jesus?

I think of being in Jesus as if He were standing next to me, and I could step into Him.  So, now people can no longer see me, they see Jesus.  However, it’s not that I lose myself by stepping into Him, it’s that my talents, my vocation, my skin, my personality, my body type, my gender, no longer define me. I am still fully me IN Him.  However, it’s who He is that defines me. 

So, it’s not conformity on the outside that brings about unity.  It’s being IN Christ that causes us to be one.  He in me, I in Him.  We’re not all stepping into separate Christs.  We are all stepping into Jesus Christ.  We are choosing to be one with Him and thereby we become one with our brothers and sisters.

So, how does that work out in the practical?  Well, that’s where the rubber hits the road, right?  In no way am I declaring an expertise in being one with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  Judgment still clouds my mind and petty jealousies can tear my soul.  Ugh.  Too much.  (Thank God for grace!)  

Having said all that, I want to share some practical things I’ve learned to do (or am learning to do) as I seek to be one with my brothers and sister in Christ:

• Recognize them as brothers and sisters who share the same Father.
• Refuse to break relationship even when we disagree.
• Forgive often and forgive fully.
• Celebrate when they celebrate.
• Grieve when they grieve.
• Support them, whether through encouraging words, resources, or prayers.
• Challenge them when necessary.
• Love them.
• And if possible, spend time together.

Notice that the things mentioned are not contingent on how others treat me.  These things are 100% contingent on how God has demonstrated His love for us.  In the same way, I can only do these things by being IN Christ.  And even that decision is made possible only by His grace and goodness.

I’m not really sure how to end this blog.  It sure hasn’t ended in my heart.  As the body of Christ we’ve been exploring what it means to do walk in unity and love our city well.  I challenge all of us, including myself, to ask the Lord to grow our roots into His perfect love, knowing that as we allow Him to root us and establish us in His love, He is actually rooting and establishing us together, in Him.

For in Him we live and move and have our being.  (Acts 17:28)

*John 14:5 - 11

5 Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”

6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

8 Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.”

9 Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? 10 Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. 11 Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves.

**Romans 10: 9 - 13

“that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11 For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.” 12 For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. 13 For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.”

Singed Hands & Secret Altars - A Vision

I was attending a worship night recently during which the Lord began to show me a vision of singed hands.  I saw burn marks on the hands of people that had been worshiping at secret altars.  They thought they could maintain secrecy as they lifted up their souls to other gods, but their unholy fire was burning their hands, concrete evidence of their destructive appetites and affections.

I immediately thought of Psalm 24:3 - 5:

Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord?

Or who may stand in His holy place?

He who has clean hands and a pure heart,

Who has not lifted up his soul to an idol,

Nor sworn deceitfully.

He shall receive blessing from the Lord,

And righteousness from the God of his salvation.

Ascend The Hill

What does it mean to ascend the hill of the Lord?  Back in Biblical times, the tabernacle  (and eventually the temple) was literally located upon a mount.  People had to go up to Mt. Zion in order to worship.  To this day, people still travel “up” into Jerusalem.  

The Psalmist recognizes that in order to ascend the hill in worship, our hands and our souls must be clean, consecrated unto the Lord.  Although whether or not hands are singed and burned did not affect one’s ability to physically climb a mountain, it did affect whether or not the Lord was able to receive the worship of the priest.  According to the Levitical requirements (Leviticus 21), priests could not minister before the Lord with any open wounds.  Their skin had to be rash and wound free in order to fulfill their tabernacle duties.  A wounded priest could still eat the “holy food,” but he could not minister incense before the Lord.

In my vision, I saw that the unholy fire had grown out of control for some, and that fire was beginning to leap off the secret altars and burn family members and friends.  Thus, the impact of their unholy, secret choices was hurting those around them.  

Jesus & Our Other Lovers

Some years ago, I was attending a regional meeting for pastors and leaders from a certain denomination.  While I was sitting in the gathering, I received an inner vision from the Lord:  I saw a man opening up his billfold and a picture of Jesus was prominently displayed in a protective, transparent plastic covering.  Suddenly, a line of pictures unfolded underneath the initial one of Jesus. They were photos of all of his other lovers!  What?!  In that moment, I understood that we have been trying to worship Jesus while also worshiping other things/people.  The gentleman in my vision had a divided heart.  He loved Jesus, but only a little more than he loved all of these other people and things.  And the fact that the Lord showed me this vision in the midst of a pastors’ gathering meant He was highlighting that His leaders were not impervious to harboring other lovers.  

For my pastor and leader friends, we are called to be His bride, but we are also friends of the Bridegroom.  How does it look when the friends of the Bridegroom are flirting with the betrothed bride?  Can you imagine attending a wedding where the best man is continually winking and whispering “sweet nothings” in the bride’s ear….all while the groom watches?  Or worse, what if the groomsmen had committed adultery with her?  Ugh.  That would horrible to behold.

But what if we as leaders are committing spiritual adultery with His bride?  How would I define spiritual adultery?  When we’re more interested in making His bride love us as opposed to preparing her for our Bridegroom King.  Or, when the bride’s opinions control our actions and decisions more than the words of our King, like a toxic, co-dependent relationship.

“The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete.”  

~ John the Baptist   John 3:29

About a year and a half ago, the Lord began to reveal to me just how controlled I was by the opinions of others.  In Christian-speak we call that the “fear of (wo)man.”  When I felt that I was disappointing someone, especially if that person held a position of authority in my life, I would experience anxiety.  In His mercy, the Lord pulled back the curtain on my soul and I finally saw the ungodly shrine I had constructed to others’ opinions.  I knew I needed to repent and find my identity in Him, and not in what others’ expected from me. 

Secret Altars

What are these secret altars?  That’s up to each of us to discern from the Lord.  Here are some common ones:  sexual immorality, manipulation, fear of wo/man, control, ungodly traditions, racism, partisan spirit, mammon (love of money), prestige, entertainment, fame, gossip, addictions, etc. 

Unholy fire will continue to consume and destroy us from the inside out.  And unholy fire will eventually singe those around us, the ones we love the most.  So do not wait.  Please, do not wait.

Our beautiful King is inviting His bride away from our secret altars and into His burning heart.  His love is a refiner’s fire that burns away all chaff and heals every wound.

And one last bit of wisdom, although our initial encounter needs to be between us and the Lord, we will need the body of Christ to help us on this journey.  Our life in Christ was never meant to be a solo ride.  Allow others into your freedom journey.  I have a few good friends and colleagues (including my husband) who know my junk and know how to pray me through to freedom.  I would not be who I am today without their consistent love, prayers, and sacrifice.

Today there are new mercies.  Today there is grace for repentance.  Today there is redemption. Today there is freedom.

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”   John 8:36

Matthew 15:

 Then some Pharisees and teachers of the law came to Jesus from Jerusalem and asked, 2 “Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders? They don’t wash their hands before they eat!”

3 Jesus replied, “And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? 4 For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’ and ‘Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.’ 5 But you say that if anyone declares that what might have been used to help their father or mother is ‘devoted to God,’ 6 they are not to ‘honor their father or mother’ with it. Thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition. 7 You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you:

8 “‘These people honor me with their lips,

    but their hearts are far from me.

9 They worship me in vain;

    their teachings are merely human rules.’”

10 Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen and understand. 11 What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.”

12 Then the disciples came to him and asked, “Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?”

13 He replied, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. 14 Leave them; they are blind guides. If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.”

15 Peter said, “Explain the parable to us.”

16 “Are you still so dull?” Jesus asked them. 17 “Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? 18 But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. 20 These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.”

Stopping for Deborah

Today I stopped to pick up a pop at the gas station on the way to our prayer room.  There was a lady outside the little convenience store, partially hidden by the ice machine, who was wearing a thin spaghetti strap tank and a pair of shorts and flip flops (unusual attire for a chilly autumn morning).  She was  very thin and her hair was disheveled and she kept flailing her arms and legs around, almost as if she was arguing with herself or with something unseen.  Her motions were erratic enough that I assumed she was strung out.

My heart was drawn to her but I was not sure what to do, except quietly pray.  I entered the store, grabbed my pop, stood in line to pay, looking back out the window to see if I could catch of glimpse of her still.  Suddenly, this same woman entered the store and headed back to where I had grabbed my drink.  After I paid, I went back to find her.  She was pacing erratically back and forth, holding a large bag of popcorn and a fountain drink.

“Are you okay?  Can I help you with something?”

She immediately tried to cover her semi-exposed chest from my eyesight. 

“I’m so embarrassed.  I’m so embarrassed.  [Mumbled name] sent me here like this.  I feel so sick.  I have a fever.  I have a fever.  I have money,” as she clung to a bill folded in her fist.

She continued to move her head and body like she was strung out.  Dark rings circled her glassy eyes that avoided eye contact, blue and grey bruises speckled her entire body with sadistic patches, and her right arm had a large, dark hole.  Literally, a hole.  Her body looked like it was slowly dying.

“How can I help you?  Are you coming down from a drug right now?  [Yep, I actually said that.]  Can I pray for you?  What is your name?”

“Yes, yes, please.  I’m Deborah.  No.  I really want drugs right now.”

I felt her head to see if she was feverish.  Her skin was clammy, but not burning.  I laid my hand on her shoulder and I prayed and declared healing for her as well as asked the Lord to intervene in her life and give her the help she needed.

“How can I help you?  Can I drive you somewhere?  Can I take you to the Gospel Mission?”

“No, no.  I’m fine.  Too much God there,” she mumbled.

“Thank you [for praying].”

I walked back to my van and thought about the new sweatshirt I was wearing.  Father, should I give her this one?  She obviously could use a shirt to help her feel more covered.  As I was contemplating how best to help, I opened the van door and spotted a brand new, light-weight jacket my mom had given to me last week (did not fit her or me) and she wanted me to give it to someone at my church.  I immediately shut the door and walked the jacket back into the store for Deborah.

“Deborah, I have a jacket.  Would you like it?”

“Yes, thank you.”

She put her food down on a shelf and I helped her put it on.  Then, not sure what else to do, I turned to exit.  

Deborah called out to me, “Hey, what should I get if my stomach is not doing good?”

“I’d get Vernor’s and some bread.”  And with that, I walked out and returned to my van.

With tears stinging my eyes, processing my encounter with Deborah and thinking about all the Deborahs out there, I drove to KHOP in silence. 

Stopping for the one.  

I’ve heard Heidi Baker say over and over again that we should stop for the one.  Jesus Himself taught about the Good Shepherd who leaves the 99 to go after the one.  And He modeled this truth over and over again in His earthly ministry by purposefully interacting with people whom the world had marginalized: the Samaritan woman at well, Zacchaeus, the woman with issue of blood, etc.

So, I’m thinking about this in the context of Deborah, a woman whose bruised and tattered body shouted drug and probably some sort of physical and/or sexual abuse.  So many things I should have said.  But in the end, I said what I said.  I know I can’t change that.  I offered what I could in that unscripted moment: I offered her an encounter with our beautiful Savior.  And a jacket.  Not sure it was enough, but it was what I had.

 Here’s what I’m processing - what if the one we go after does not want to be rescued? 

God obviously knew I needed some encouragement, so a few hours into my time at KHOP, an older lady named Theresa walked into the prayer room.  Her right arm was in a sling.  She told me that she had come to give God thanks for helping her survive cancer and to ask Him to help her find freedom from drug and cigarette addictions.  She wanted to live to be a blessing to her grandchildren.  We prayed together, believing that the Lord was releasing freedom into her life.  Then, at the end we prayed for her fractured shoulder and we both felt heat enter her shoulder.  (Always a good sign!)  She left our prayer time encouraged and uplifted, as did I.

I am thankful for my encounter with Deborah.  I am growing.  I am learning.  Help me to tangibly love those around me, Father.  Please help me not to judge.  Help me to see everyone through Your perfect eyes of hope and love.

And I am thankful for my encounter with Theresa.  Her thankfulness reminded me of of the story of the leper in gospels who remembered to return and give thanks after Jesus healed him.

And I am thankful for a beautiful Savior who freely offers new life to everyone: extravagant love offered to everyone, every day.

Choosing to Remember Corporate Pain: The Holocaust & Me

Back in the early 2000s, my husband and I had the opportunity to take a team of young adults to Auschwitz, one of the Nazi-run concentration camps in Poland.  We were serving in Poland on a mission trip and had asked our Polish pastor friends if we could use one of our “free” days to visit the camp.  I remember one of the pastors incredulously asking us why we would want to visit that place.  I responded that we needed our day to be “ruined” so that we would never forget.

Walking into Auschwitz was surreal, like strolling through a still graveyard, but not a graveyard with beautiful flowers and grass and trees.  We were walking on gravel around sterile and empty, crumbling buildings intersected by an old train track.  In my memory, everything seemed grey and beige, as if all color had been swallowed up by time and desolation.  

Somehow the silence of the grounds was deafening - as if the buildings and very land were screaming of all the atrocities that had been committed there, though imperceptible to my physical ear, my heart could hear the cry.

I remember visiting a room that was filled with human hair; hair that had been shorn from mothers and fathers and children as if they were sheep before they were sent to the gas chamber.  The smell was pungent - all those years later, even separated by a wall of glass, I could smell the hair…..hair that was probably intended to be used to make lamp shades or some other household or clothing items.  I will never forget that smell.  There was another room filled with the leftover suitcases from people that did not know they were never returning home.  And another room with children’s crutches, toys, etc.  Seeing any sort of article once belonging to a child sucker-punched my soul. My feelings were a toxic (but awakening) mixture of anger, disgust, and shock.

My heart was seared with the understanding that this level of hatred is demonic.  To hate someone for any reason is terrible and anti-Christ, but to hate someone and devise a system of torture and mass extermination for the simple reason of the color of their skin or their ethnic or religious background is pure evil.

In May of 2015, I had the honor of visiting Yad Vashem, the Holocaust museum in Israel.  It was my first visit.  So many things caught my eye - from the beautiful trees that were planted in honor of the “righteous gentiles” to the detailed stories and images of individuals who had died while trying to protect the Jews in Europe.  However, this time I was also encountering the holocaust as a mom, and my experience was completely heart wrenching. I shed tears most of the time I was walking through and at times had to keep myself from sobbing.

The stories of heroism and sacrifice captured my heart.  Yet, none of these people wore a cape or had the ability to fly, like a Marvel or DC Comics superhero.  

It was normal, everyday people that exhibited profound super hero-like resilience, courage, hope, and strength in the face of overwhelming odds.

I was so mesmerized by all of the stories and images, that I did not realize that my tour group had long ago reached the museum cafeteria and had just about finished their scheduled lunch.  I believe it was our tour guide who came and found me and helped me rejoin our group.  Every narrative was powerful and I felt this desire to honor every act of sacrifice and heroism with my full attention.  I just could not rush through, even if it meant I was a little hungry for the rest of the day.

Yad Vashem in 2015

There was one overwhelming feeling that burrowed deep into my spirit that day - I knew that I would do my part, no matter the cost, to protect the Jews from terrible persecution.  A secondary (a bit more random) thought I had was that if I were to ever get a tattoo, I would choose a Jewish star so as to forever align myself with this people group that had experienced such a horrific genocide.

I remember reading Anne Frank’s Diary in 7th grade and deciding I would have been her friend.  But would I have been her friend even if it meant the demise of my own family, just as Corrie ten Boom’s family paid the ultimate price for their courageous resistance against the Nazis in Holland in WWII?  

Would I have been someone who stood up against slavery in the early 1800s, or the Jim Crow laws of the 1900s, even if it brought persecution upon my family?  

Would I have been someone who publicly supported Jesus’ ministry, like Mary and Martha of Bethany, even if we would have become ostracized and blacklisted by the Pharisees?

I hope so.  I truly do.  But I can say without reservation that I choose to stand up and speak out now to the best of my ability with the platform God has granted me.  Today I choose to stand for righteousness and justice.  Today I choose obedience to Jesus over bowing to the fear of man.  Today I choose to love.  Today I choose to be a voice.